- Just ahead on Black Issues Forum.

Conversations about sexual abuse and assault are often buried under layers of stigma and silence, especially when the victims are men.

In a society that associates strength with silence, how do black men carry unspoken trauma?

And what does healing look like when the pain is no longer able to be hidden?

We talk about healing, breaking the stigma, and a building a path forward.

Coming up next, stay with us.

- [Announcer] Quality public television is made possible through the financial contributions of viewers like you who invite you to join them in supporting PBS NC.

[upbeat music] ♪ - Welcome to Black Issues Forum, I'm Kenia Thompson.

Today we're stepping into a conversation that's often left in the shadows.

Sexual violence against men is real.

Yet for generations, many have suffered in silence, out of shame, fear, or a sense that their pain doesn't fit in society's narrative.

But there's no healing in remaining silent.

Today, we break that silence.

We listen, we honor and we learn from those who have survived and from those committed to helping others heal.

We would like to advise that this program includes discussion of sexual trauma, including detailed experiences of male survivors.

Some content may be emotionally difficult or triggering and may not be suitable for younger viewers.

We encourage all of our viewers to care for their wellbeing and step away if needed.

A little later in the discussion, we'll receive guidance from a licensed therapist, but first, joining me to share his story and the work he's doing to uplift others is Marcel Anderson, a survivor, an advocate, and a founder of Accelerating Men, an organization dedicated to empowering and supporting young men through their healing journeys.

Welcome to the show.

- Thank you for having me.

- Of course, thank you.

I just want to say at the top, thank you so much for being here.

- Absolutely.

- For being willing to share your story as I know you have already.

Let's just get right into it.

Why are we here today?

Share a little bit of your story.

- Yeah, if you did not know, April was Sexual Assault, Child Abuse Awareness month, so we just transitioned from that.

Me sharing my story over 10 years ago, I was held in a home invasion where I was held gunpoint, blindfolded and handcuffed.

Where the robber told me, if I did everything he told me to do, I may live.

So psychologically processing that and didn't know if I was gonna make it out alive.

- Yeah.

- But as I thought things couldn't get any worse, he shoved me in the back room, laid me flat down, and began to brutalize me with the pole and the gun.

When I thought things couldn't get any worse, he began to pull down my pants and took the pole and stuck it up my anal, maybe over 30 something times.

People ask me, how do I know the amount of times that he did that?

I don't know, it just felt like it lasted forever.

- Yeah.

- Right.

So it did so much internal damage that I lived with a colostomy bag for over four months.

- Mm.

- I was in Duke Hospital for over a month.

I went through a eight hour surgery, where I woke up, didn't realize that I was gonna go through all of this, and I always commend Duke for saving my life.

I didn't live with that colostomy for the rest of my life, for only four months.

It was reversed, and I was grateful for that.

So just as a male sexual assault survivor, I went through a lot, but I survived and I'm here today to share my story.

- Yeah, how old were you when this happened?

- I was in my 20s.

- Yeah.

- So this is over 11 years ago.

About 11, 12 years, I just turned 40.

- Yeah.

- So it's been a while.

- It's been a while.

Take us back to that moment.

What was going through your head?

Well, first it was that flight or survival mode kind of feeling, if I do what he says to do, then I can potentially live.

So you had to face mortality in that moment.

But then as the sexual assault began, what was going through your mind?

- Yeah, I asked myself, did anyone else experience this?

And I began to do a Google search and was locating other individuals or organizations that addressed sexual violence against men in particular.

- That was after though.

But like in the moment.

- Oh, in that moment.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

I was scared, fearful.

And I said, God, if this is my last day, I serve you.

But I said, if you can just get me outta this situation, I serve you even the more, but in that moment I was fearful for my life.

Didn't think I would make it.

I endured pain, suffering, and there's so many things that was racing in my mind, didn't think I would be able to walk away and to be able to see my family again.

To see my brothers, see my sisters.

But in that moment, I just did what I could just to survive.

The more that the sodomization took place, I felt like the more pleasure that he received.

So as I had to loosen my backside up, he began to, you know, push to pull up even the more so the doctors, the police officers said that you're stronger than you thought.

Because if, I mean anybody else would've blacked out.

Would've died, would've been in a mental institution.

But I was grateful to be able to walk away and remind myself how strong I am.

Not identifying what happened that was good.

But identify that I was struggling than I thought.

- So you mentioned a little few minutes ago that you started Googling.

Did anyone else go through this?

So what were the stages that you went through and then realizing, I need help, I need to heal from this?

- Yeah, isolation, fearful, didn't trust a lot of people, and didn't trust myself to trust people.

So just going through that process and that emotion of being angry, being fearful, being misled, being guarded.

So I had to kind of regroup myself and plug into the necessary outlets to receive the energy that I need to make sure that I can still do life, you know, consistently.

So I went through a, a survival phase of living just surviving, just being grateful that I can live, I can breathe.

I'm good.

- But at some point you realized I need to heal.

Right?

So was the being good, kind of this denial of there's things that I need to heal from, or did you acknowledge it?

Did you share it?

Like as a man, was that something you were able to communicate with other people?

- Yeah, I started sharing it probably not even a year after.

- [Host] Oh wow.

- I went through my healing process.

- [Host] Okay.

- As I discovered that I wasn't the only one.

And I learned about advocacy work.

How do I share my testimony?

'Cause I was a artist developing my new record.

So I was, you know, I'm a singer, so I was outgoing and sharing my personality.

So I incorporated my story into my musical presentation.

So when I would sing, I would exhort or share my story in those presentations.

So I had the opportunity to be able to heal through my purpose, right?

Through my assignment.

It was tough, but it helped me to be able to release everything that I felt, you know, into public places.

'Cause I was isolated for at least a year and started to share my story in my music.

- Had you gone through therapy before the assault happened?

- No, this is my first time even discovering or knowing that therapy was even available for me.

Not just for me, you know, prior to my incident but just in general post of my incident.

And it was because of therapy, as I mentioned to you earlier, that saved my life.

And I recommend that to any male survivor or any black male in general, that therapy is important and it can help you navigate through what you're dealing with because if you don't address it, it's going to address you, right?

- What was the, what was the conversation like among your friends?

How did, how were they able to cope and deal with the news?

Because when things happen to people you love or care about, sometimes we find it hard.

- It was tough for my friends, my family, my parents.

They was worried about me.

They didn't know how to deal with me because my behaviors, my, my presentation, my whole persona changed.

I'll often say I, I'm gonna get back to my original self 'cause I was outgoing, an extrovert.

But, you know, post my incident, I changed, right.

And I knew recently, a couple years ago, realizing that I wouldn't get back to my original self.

I just evolved, right.

I evolved to a new person, to a different person, to be able to, to channel what I've been through, to get to where I am now.

But my friends, my family, they were scared, they was mad.

They was afraid.

So there was a lot of emotions balled up with all these people, wanted to retaliate to who, we didn't know who did this, but they were just angry.

They was mad so they was channeling my same emotions and someone had to manage them.

So I had to be the mediator for my family, those who wanted to do abnormal things.

Lemme just speak like that.

I had to manage them.

Say hey, listen, this man is mine, said the Lord.

They will pay, he will pay.

So it's not our battle to fight as much as we wanted to.

Right?

Deep down inside that thing is bubbling up.

I said, hey, let's just, let's just focus on being the best version of ourselves and let's keep working on ourselves and I believe justice will be served.

- Was he ever caught?

- No, it's still a ongoing cold case, right?

They call it a cold case, open case, yeah.

And you know that, that, that's, that's challenging, right?

Every year you have to deal with that.

And again, I had to deal with me first to even consider thinking about trying to find justice for myself and other people.

A lot of times people don't understand the different challenges that survivors go through.

Talking about forensic science and in Washington DC the backlog of them trying to solve your case.

So waiting on that, and then investigators talking to you and, you know, re- sharing your story.

So it is, it is a long list of things that you go through.

And at some point you just want to hang it up, right?

But I have to be reminded that, no, you can't hang this up.

You are fighting not just for yourself, but other black males out there as well.

- So let's talk about that fight through Accelerating Men.

- Yeah.

- Share about the organization that you've created and its purpose.

- Yeah, so over 10 years ago, I was a teacher specification.

I taught high school specification and I saw our dire need for mentorship.

One of my students said, hey, Mr. Anderson, I wanna be a part of your organization.

I'm a part of Kappa Alpha Psi.

So we had Kappa lead at that particular time, and he didn't have the GPA required.

I said, if I ever start a mentoring program, there won't be requirements to get in, but it's gonna be required to stay in.

So back then I started the program just to be able to help young men identify who they are before operating their purpose.

So we focus on identity development, leadership development, character development, self-esteem awareness, and spiritual development.

Just helping each young man to know who they are before operating their purpose.

So do monthly workshops, conference calls, college tours, parenting workshops, we just help young men, just identify, again, simply who they are so they can know where they belong, so they can decide where they don't belong.

- Yeah, well, I wanna pause you there.

Thank you again for your vulnerability.

I wanna share a clip before we go to our therapist that's coming on to answer some more questions.

I've got a clip for us before our licensed therapist joins us.

I wanna share this clip, it's short, but it's a powerful message that captures the emotional weight of the silence that Marcel has experienced and why it's so important to make space for healing.

Take a look.

- My name is Terry Crews.

I'm an actor, author, former athlete, advocate, and a survivor of a sexual assault.

This past year, we have seen powerful men in Hollywood and elsewhere finally held accountable for sexual harassment and assault.

We also saw the backlash survivors faced after coming forward.

I wanted these survivors to know that I believed them, I supported them, and that this happened to me too.

This encouraged me to come forward with my own experience and reflect on the cult of toxic masculinity that exists in our society.

Then in 2016, while at a party with my wife, I was sexually assaulted by a successful Hollywood agent.

The assault lasted only minutes, but what he was effectively telling me while he held my genitals in his hand was that he held the power, that he was in control.

The first reaction was to be violent, and I immediately held back.

- Why weren't you?

You're a big powerful man.

Why didn't you- - Senator, as a black man in America?

- [Senator] Say it as it is.

I think it's important.

- You only have a few shots at success.

You only have a few chances to make yourself a viable member of the community.

I'm from Flint, Michigan.

I have seen many, many young Black men who were provoked into violence, and they were in prison or they were killed and they're not here.

My wife, for years, prepared me.

She said, "Of you ever get goaded, if you ever get prodded, if you ever have anyone try to push you into any kind of situation, don't do it.

Don't be violent."

And she trained me, I'll be honest with you, it was the strength of my wife, who trained me and told me, "If this situation happens, let's leave," and the training worked.

- Joining us now is Jason Phillips.

He is a licensed therapist who has spent years working with Black men around emotional healing, mental wellness, and trauma recovery.

Jason, I wanna thank you for being here.

- Yeah, thank you for having me, and Marcel, thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story with us.

- Yeah, so you heard Marcel's story, we heard that clip from Terry Crews.

What are your thoughts from a clinician's point of view of how this is prevalent in the Black male community?

- I think it's a lot more prevalent than what we know about because of some of the things and patterns that happen when somebody does encounter sexual abuse or sexual trauma.

Marcel alluded to some, I use the acronym SIGN, which the S stands for shame, why did this happen to me?

How did this happen to me?

Then there's intimacy issues, not just in the bedroom, but also being close to people, lack of vulnerability.

The G standing for guilt, meaning, I'm feeling guilty for speaking up, I'm feeling guilty for allowing this to happen.

And then, the N for not enough.

No matter what I do, no matter what I say, it seems like there's not enough and I end up feeling helpless and hopeless.

- Yeah.

Marcel, you alluded to some of those attributes in that acronym.

Can you expound on feeling those things?

- Yeah, I agree with all four and I'm gonna utilize them too in my work.

Again, just getting close to people 'cause I'm thinking this is gonna happen again.

Just protecting my outer and my inner shell, hoping that this doesn't happen to me.

So it was difficult for me to build relationships again, whether that's family relationships, personal or professional relationships.

But I had to, again, deal with my issues to be able to be open and be vulnerable, to be able to share who I really am with the world.

- Yeah, you know, for you, your assault was something you couldn't hide, right?

Because of how it happened and then the ramifications of what happened from it.

Jason, when we think about young boys who experience sexual assault, oftentimes, it's hidden, we don't see it.

But what do we see when something like that is happening?

- A lot of times we see somebody being more closed off, we see them being so not expressive with their emotions, or when they do express them, it comes out as anger, irritability, frustration, taking it out on the people that are closest to them.

But when you get to the core root of the issue, oftentimes, there's underlying trauma that is hard to be addressed because of the lack of trust.

So even if you are even in therapy, there may take weeks, months, or longer before you actually say, "This is why I'm here."

- Marcel, when you realized you needed to go to therapy, what was the consensus like with your family?

Because I know, you know, you guys come from a faith-based family.

- Mm-hm.

- Was it just pray about it or was it pray about it and go to therapy?

- Yeah, a couple days to both pray about it and go to therapy 'cause you're not the same.

- Yeah.

- Your behaviors, your responses towards life, yourself and people is not healthy, right?

So they wanted me healthy and whole, right?

So they was concerned about how I responded to myself, themselves and my life in a society.

So it was important for me to, again, deal with what I was dealing with before it dealt with me and almost killed me.

- Yeah.

We're fortunate now, I think, with social media and just having more vehicles to be heard, that we see a lot more black men talking about therapy.

In Kendrick Lamar's album, "Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers," he talks about a line, and I won't say the exact words, but, "Real men don't go to therapy," right?

That was a line and he further explained that our parents don't know about that therapy, our grandparents don't know about that, you live and you experience and you go through things and you deal with it right then and there, or you don't ever deal with it at all, right?

We learned to hold everything in and he was saying that that's not his forte.

When people mention it to him, he's still stuck and he thinks about how his father said, "What do you need therapy for?"

Right, and so he is now challenging a whole new generation to realize we do need therapy.

What is that shift looking like in the mental health world for black men?

- It's a big.

- Beautiful shift.

You know, being in the field for a little over 15 years, initially I did not see a lot of black men.

It was very rare that a black man would be in my office or on Zoom.

Now I'm seeing them more than ever, and I just shared a post on social media where I asked a question, "Fellas only, would you go to therapy, why or why not?"

And like 90% of the responses were yes, even from people who I know personally who said years ago, they try to stay as far away from therapy as possible, so I'm glad the narrative is shifting.

- So I know you have Accelerating Men for Young Boys.

Do we see other spaces being created in your community that you've built?

Are we finding space for this kind of healing?

- Yeah, male survivor support groups are very important, where men can come together collectively as a cohort to be able to share a shared experience, to know that they're not by themselves, that they can be vulnerable and share with other men.

Cry, lament, and feel emotional, scream, but do it in a safe space where it doesn't do any harm to them or anyone else, so those spaces are available.

- Jason, if we have viewers who have experienced sexual trauma or assault either recently or decades ago, what is the first step in the process of healing?

What does that look like?

- Yeah, the first step is being aware, aware of how has this trauma or incident impacted you?

As Marcel shared his story, before the incident, he was very outgoing, bubbly, joking, probably easygoing.

But then look at after, how have you changed?

Is it hard for you to trust people?

How are your personal relationships?

How's your career doing?

Is your life looking like what you wanted it to look like now?

Those are some of the things.

Awareness first, before you take the action steps.

- What are some of the ways that our Black women, our friends, anyone can support our male survivors, Marcel?

- Yeah, I believe just listen.

Listen and believe them, right?

Listen, believe them.

Just be there, right?

Don't try to be a therapist, just know your role and know your place, trying to convince that, hey, you need help.

Yes, they need help, give them the help.

So I think just being there, walking alongside them, and support 'em through just being an advocate and holding their hand through the process so they can get to that space of support - Throughout the show, we have displayed hotlines help resources.

We have the National Support, RAIN, we have 1in6.org, which is specific to men experiencing sexual assault and trauma, and then we have our North Carolina Help that you can go county by county to find resources and assistance.

I would love for you to share Accelerating Men's website and how if someone wants to support that initiative, how they can help.

- Yeah, they can go to acceleratingmen.com right now and learn more about who we are and what we do and our upcoming events.

They can also go to my website and find my latest book, still Living a Victimized Man's Journey on Purpose to Live as a resource as well.

- Thank you for that, and Jason, what are some things like, let's say someone wanted to reach out to you.

Obviously, I would love for you to share your contact information as well.

What are some of those things they may experience in a session?

- One is listening and holding space.

I think, you know, having the experience and the credentials is great, but also the therapeutic rapport, so I'm going to be present with you, I'm going to let you guide your journey.

I'll have some tools for you, but you'll be the person leading that ship.

- And your website.

- Is jasonlphillips.com.

- One last question.

Well, I want to give you time to share the music and the work that you're doing.

You've got your book here.

- [Guest] Mhm.

- Would you like to share that with us?

- Yeah, so I am a artist, professionally.

I get the opportunity to travel the country to share music, that not only helps me but also help the listeners.

I do have my latest book, "Still Living".

- [Host] Can you pick it up?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- "Still Living: A Victimized Man's Journey."

My purpose to live, where you're gonna actually get my full in-depth story, where how I overcame many challenges and how I found purpose.

The purpose saved my life.

My purpose saved my life.

So no matter what you're going through, find a purpose in this life to help you navigate through all the things that you experience.

In June, I have to plug this.

June the 20th, I'm releasing my next book in CD.

So I turn all my lyrics into a lyrical workbook.

So it's therapeutic for individuals who is looking for love, right?

How do you find love and trust yourself and others after you're going through a traumatic experience?

So it's called "Trust and Love Relationship."

So that book will be coming out soon as a connection to the first book.

- Yeah, where can we find this?

- On my website, sellingreadymen.com or on Amazon, all the social media platforms, and it's available today.

- Nice, very good.

Jason, one last thought here.

When we think about children, what's the first thing that we do if they come to us with this kind of news?

- First is listen.

And make sure you don't try to blame them for what happened.

So sometimes it's like, why didn't you tell me sooner?

Or I wish I would've.

So now that person is trying to kind of manage your emotions.

- [Host] Yeah.

- While they're sharing with you something very hurtful for them.

- Well, thank you both so much.

Hopefully our viewers, I know they did, they found some resource here.

Marcel Anderson, Jason Phillips, thank you for being here.

- Thank you.

- And I thank you for watching.

If you want more content like this, we invite you to engage with us on Instagram, using the #BlackIssuesForum.

You can also find our full episodes on pbsnc.org/blackissuesforum and on the PBS video app.

I'm Kenya Thompson.

I'll see you next time.

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